Have you ever been rejected? Are you feeling rejected in this very moment?
Has a love interest recently broken off a relationship. Have you been denied a scholarship or entrance to a school or university? Have you lost a potential client or business deal? Have close family members turned their backs on you?
There are many life circumstances that can make us feel rejected, cast aside, or not chosen.
The emotional pain associated with rejection is very real and runs deep. What’s more troubling is that the hurt caused by rejection often acts as an open doorway for other negative feelings.
Frustration. Hopelessness. Shame. Worthlessness. Jealousy. Anger, and many other harmful emotions can surface when you experience rejection. If you are not careful, this flood of darkness can easily overtake your mind and heart. This can lead you to pathways of sadness, depression, self-loathing, or even self-harm. In this two-part series, you will look at different aspects of rejection along with how to encourage yourself when facing this dark and dangerous emotional trigger.
Everyone wants to belong.
Human beings are social creatures, and we thrive in environments where we are part of a common group. We have an inert need to surround ourselves with other people who accept us, care for us, and help to protect us physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Isolation, loneliness, and abandonment terrify most people and we will go to great lengths not to remain in these situations for long.
Whether we are in a schoolyard or a prison yard, people seek comradery and belonging so that they feel accepted, acknowledged, and safe.
Companionship is a core human need.
This is why rejection is such a powerful and negative emotional weapon. If unchecked, it can strike at the very core of our humanity and bring with it a myriad of extremely devastating personal attacks.
When you experience rejection, you feel as if you are being told that:
You are not good enough
You do not matter
You have no value
You don’t measure up
You are not qualified
Ultimately, rejection can tell your heart that something is wrong with YOU…after all you are not qualified to be a part of that select group. You have been rejected.
So how do you overcome your feelings of rejection? The first step to healing from rejection is to embrace the acceptance that you did not receive your desired outcome. Frustration, Anger, and Disappointment all stem from failed expectations.
Remaining intellectually honest with yourself and admitting the full truth of your feelings is key to the survival of rejection, (or any negative emotional experience), in a healthy way. You do not have to “put on a good face” when it comes to emotional pain.
In fact, pretending that you do not feel a certain way is counter-productive to the healing process.
The second step is to acknowledge the specific areas of pain you feel by this rejection. Just as in a doctor’s office you cannot address a physical injury unless you expose it for treatment, the same goes for emotional injuries. The truth is the rejection embarrasses you. The rejection is disappointing. The rejection hurts you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Everything is not OK.
The rejection you are experiencing crashed headlong into the positive expectation you envisioned and shattered it into pieces in front of you.
But, remember this. This rejection does not define you. This is the third step in overcoming rejection. You have to remember who you truly are despite the rejection.
In part 2 of this blog we will look at how to bring this truth into your life.
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