A personal reflection by Denise Atkins
If I was to sit down and show you a list of all the trauma and difficult situations that have happened in my life you would wonder how I could say that I am not a victim, or how I could still smile.
At the age of 14, I was sexually assaulted, (on two separate occasions), by two separate boys. When I was 15, colon cancer took the life of my maternal grandmother, who I loved dearly. Soon after, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. After a lengthy battle which included several stages of chemotherapy, loss of hair during each return of the cancer, and losing her quality of life, this disease would take her 9 years later.
“I Am Not a Victim”
After high school I got married and had a son. A few years later, I came home from church to find that my husband left me for another woman. I was now a single and unemployed mother with no source of financial support. I recall a point where I was rolling quarters to buy groceries for me and my young child.
I also found out that I was pregnant again, but this second child did not carry to full term. The sadness of those days is impossible to describe. I felt lost, angry, and afraid most days with no clear path in front of me. All I knew is that I had to keep pushing forward for myself and for of my son..
“I Am Not a Victim”
With my limited work experience, the only job I could find was at an office 45 minutes away from where I lived. This required me to lean heavily on my parents to help care for my son until I could get home each day. My boss often required me to work late, (without additional pay), and subjected me to horrendous sexual harassment. His actions eventually forced me to leave that position and search for new employment. It took several tries and struggles to find a good paying and sustainable job because I was a single parent working full time.
“I Am Not a Victim”
Eventually, I remarried and began a new life. I started my own business and things were good for a time. Many years later, I closed my business and we relocated to Canada. We bought some land, a home, and prepared to settle into a comfortable future together.
Things quickly changed for the worse when my husband was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer. I was his caregiver in the evenings and worked a full-time job throughout his gradual deterioration. I watched helplessly as this disease withered him away from walking; to a cane; to a walker; to a wheelchair; to finally being partially paralyzed and bed-ridden. The cancer would take his life 8 years later.
Unbelievably, during this time, my father also passed away from heart disease. I was left alone in a foreign country where I had no family and only a small group of friends.
“I Am Not a Victim”
These are just a few tragic examples of the trauma and misfortune I have endured. I could have let any of them destroy my faith in God. I did not. I could have let them keep me from getting close to anyone or loving again. I did not. I could have let them lead me down dark paths and turn me into a bitter, spiteful, self-loathing person with a negative outlook on life. But, that is not the case.
You see, the stones that life threw at me could have crushed me, but I used them as stepping stones on my way to living a vibrant and full life. I chose not to allow these challenges to define me or to have people pity me. Instead, I decided to use my pain to help me grow, become a better person, and help others through similar situations. In fact, each tragedy seemed to make me stronger and bring me closer to God.
Embracing a New Mindset
The idea of being a victim implies helplessness and a lack of control over your life. This can be especially true if you have experienced trauma, abuse, or loss. You may feel that your experiences have defined you in a negative way. However, by embracing the mindset of “I am not a victim,” you can take back power and focus on being strong and resilient.
To embrace this way of thinking is not to deny the very real obstacles that you face. Rather, it is a way of taking ownership of those challenges and refusing to let them control you. It is a reminder that you are capable of finding meaning and purpose in even the most difficult of circumstances.
By rejecting the label of “victim”, as an overcomer you can shift your focus from what has happened, to what you are capable of. You can draw inner strength and resilience to move forward, rather than being limited by the trauma of the past.
It may not be easy, but the “I am not a victim” mindset is not just applicable to those who have experienced trauma. It is a broader philosophy that can be applied to all areas of life by anyone. Shifting the focus to your ability to shape your own narrative can help you overcome challenges and achieve your goals.
Of course, it is important to acknowledge that this mindset is not an overnight fix for all of life’s problems. It takes time and effort to cultivate a sense of hope and resilience. We are instinctively prone to martyrdom and helplessness. However, by embracing the mindset of “I am not a victim,” you can take ownership of your experiences and work towards a more positive and fulfilling future. Whether you have endured trauma or simply face the challenges of everyday living, you can benefit from adopting this empowering philosophy.
“I Am an Overcomer”
One of the main reasons I could overcome my life challenges was my faith in God along with amazing support from my family and friends. Whether you believe in a higher power, you also need to have a support community surrounding you during difficult times. Facing struggles is not something you can do alone. You are not stone. You need to feel, embrace your emotions, and take time to accept what is happening. You have to find your own ways to cope and make it through difficult circumstances. You need to talk and you need to listen. This could include self help, coaching, mentoring, or therapy.
“I Am an Overcomer”
Each bad experience I faced allowed me to grow, learn, and become a better person. In time, I was able to open my heart to love again. I am now happily married to a friend from high school who surprised me with a love that I could never have imagined and that I would never have known as a victim. Together we founded Create Happiness Today and are committed to helping others through their own life-changing situations.
“I Am an Overcomer”
If I had allowed even ONE of those horrific moments to define me and change who I was inside, I would not be where I am. As I said at the beginning of this blog, you would never know all that I have endured because I do not lead with the pain. Most have no idea what I have been through because I do my best to be happy and keep a smile on my face.
“I Am an Overcomer”
I am sharing all of this with you to encourage you, not for your pity. I am the best version of myself. I can finally say that I am completely happy with who and where I am. I am an overcomer, a survivor, and a warrior. I refuse to let anything that happens to me control my life and keep me from my happiness. I made the choice to never “be a victim” and that choice has set me free. I made this choice and you can too.
“YOU ARE an Overcomer!”
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