Have you ever heard the story of the Scorpion and the Frog?
Once there was a scorpion who wanted to cross a river. Scorpions can’t swim, so she was struggling to find a way across. Soon, she saw a frog casually floating by and called out, asking if he would carry the scorpion across the river on his back.
The frog was hesitant, knowing that scorpions carry a deadly sting and could kill him. But, the scorpion promised the frog that she wouldn’t hurt him and that they would both benefit from the ride across.
She said, "If I sting you, we will both drown in the river and die. I cannot afford that. So, you can trust me."
Reluctantly, the frog agreed and allowed the scorpion to climb onto his back. The journey was going well, and the frog was feeling optimistic when, suddenly, he felt a sharp pain. The scorpion had stung him! The frog knew he had been tricked and was now going to die.
"Why did you sting me?" the frog asked, before the water began to fill his lungs. "Now we are both going to die!".
The scorpion replied, "It’s not my fault. It’s my nature; I couldn't help it."
Too late, as they both sank to the bottom of the river, the frog realized he had trusted someone that he shouldn’t have. In this way, the scorpion and the frog both became tragic victims of their inherent nature. The frog’s nature was to always help. The scorpion’s was to always harm.
The Scorpion’s Dilemma:
In this fable, the scorpion represents an individual who is inherently predisposed to hurt others, regardless of whether it is in their best interests. The scorpion's instinct to sting proves to be overwhelming, regardless of the fact that it will also perish along with the frog. Those who are habitually vicious or lack empathy for others ultimately end up harming themselves in the process by destroying relationships, thereby ruining opportunities to grow, learn, or prosper.
The scorpion's underlying nature in the fable emphasizes the fact that it is not sufficient for individuals to simply say or promise things in order to foster trust. Trust requires that people are capable of making good on their promises. These scorpion-types often make self-serving declarations that fail to match their true intentions, or their capacity to follow through. In the end, they are incapable of being honest with themselves, or anyone else, and their manipulations are often their undoing.
The Frog’s Dilemma:
When people are always willing to trust and help without using proper judgment, they leave themselves open to exploitation and manipulation. In this fable, the frog blindly trusts the scorpion despite knowing that it has the potential to harm him. His desire to please the scorpion led to ruin and death.
The frog's behavior is similar to that of people who only want to believe the best in others, often ignoring obvious warning signs and red flags. The frog's actions demonstrate how this undeserved trust, and unqualified generosity, can sometimes lead to drastic and disappointing consequences.
Additionally, the frog embodies the necessary ability to discern and evaluate the character and motives of others before trusting them. The fable highlights the importance of striking a balance between generosity and caution, and it emphasizes that people need to use judgment and discernment when deciding who to trust.
Trust the Pause:
You have several tools at your disposal that can minimize, or eliminate, the damage done by manipulative people. The initial hesitation of the frog to give the scorpion a ride across the river highlights the concept of intuition.
Intuition refers to an effortless and rapid method of problem-solving or decision-making by listening to our inner feelings or instincts. It is a combination of experience, knowledge, and understanding of the past. This helps us to recognize and respond appropriately to situations without the need for analytical thinking. Another way of stating this is simply, “the pause”.
If someone approaches you about a relationship, investment, or other opportunity and there is a hesitation or “check” in your heart:
Ask for time to consider the opportunity: If the person persists or demands a quick answer, then quickly answer, “No”. You should never feel rushed into a decision. This pressure tactic will ensure that you miss important information that will more than likely sting you later.
Slow the conversation down: Ask detailed follow-up questions to ensure you have a full understanding of what is being offered or requested of you. Take the time you need to evaluate the situation. These follow-up questions may create additional pauses or uncover concerns/benefits that will help you choose wisely. If the person has nefarious or ulterior motives, then follow-up questions will irritate them and their true nature will quickly surface.
Trust past experiences: There is an old adage, “Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me”. Gaining wisdom often requires us to fail at something or make a mistake. As children, we quickly learn not to touch a hot stove by doing that very thing. In life, we may stumble into painful situations or relationships, (whether personal or business), and suffer the anguish associated with that choice. Once we have that wisdom, however, the responsibility is ours not to repeat those same mistakes and to better protect ourselves by using that past experience as a guide moving forward.
Ask others for advice: Just as you have learned from past mistakes, you may have trusted friends or family who have wisdom surrounding your particular situation. Asking their advice and taking the time to consider their perspectives can be invaluable and keep you from detrimental consequences. There is a caveat, in that you must gather advice from honest and trusted sources for this to be effective. Do not seek advice from people you know will tell you what you want to hear, or who are always seeing the worst in every situation.
Become comfortable saying “No”: For many “frogs” this is a very difficult thing to do, but this single act could have saved the life of our frog in this parable. The frog did not have to give the scorpion a ride and was actually in the position of power over the decision. Just because someone is begging or attempting to pressure you into a situation does not mean you owe them your agreement. In fact, just the opposite is true. Worthy causes and quality relationships do not begin with pressure tactics, guilt, or manipulation.
Remember, it is easier to do a thing, than to undo it: When you begin practicing “No”, you soon realize that it becomes easier over time, and you will have much more control over the direction of your life and efforts.
You Cannot Fix the Scorpion:
One of the primary takeaways of this blog is the fact that a frog cannot “fix” a scorpion. In most cases, people do not change their natures. Those few that do, have to put in a great deal of time and effort to build better interpersonal skills, embrace vulnerability, and become intellectually honest. This type of work is far beyond most manipulators and will never be completed by them.
Here are some examples of situations that may help put this into better perspective:
Example 1: Imagine you have a friend who has a noxious personality. This person might be manipulative, deceitful, or dishonorable in their behavior towards you and others. You might try to help them change their ways, but you realize they have deeply entrenched behavioral patterns that make them act this way.
Instead of continually trying to change this person's behavior, which might be futile, it would be wiser to end the friendship and move on. This might be challenging at first, but it would be more resourceful in the long run, saving you time, energy, and emotional stress.
Example 2: Another example could be a romantic relationship with an abusive partner. If you find yourself in such a relationship, you might hope that your romantic partner will change their hurtful behavior towards you, especially if they were different and more loving in the beginning. However, after multiple attempts to stop the abuse, you recognize that the partner has no intention of changing their nature.
Instead of hoping your partner will change, it becomes essential to protect yourself and leave the relationship behind. The fable emphasizes the importance of acknowledging the limitations and harmful inclinations of others and taking protective actions even if it requires leaving the situation.
Example 3: Suppose you are starting a business partnership with someone you trust, but later realize the partner is dishonest. They make deceitful choices in the business, such as embezzling funds, failing to provide promised resources, or taking unfair advantage when dividing profits.
In this example, the partner's dishonesty is ingrained in their behavior, and they are unlikely to change their ways. If you continue to work with the unethical partner, you risk significant financial and legal troubles, tarnishing your reputation, and draining your emotional reserves.
Therefore, the best course of action is to avoid collaborating with such a partner altogether. You need to recognize their nature and choose not to work with them, even if it means losing out on the business opportunity. In such cases, it is always best to protect your interests and well-being first.
Just Keep Swimming:
If the frog had ignored the scorpion's plea and kept on swimming across the river, it would have avoided the inevitable betrayal and potentially escaped unharmed. The scorpion would have inevitably found another victim, (since the scorpion was intent on causing harm), but that victim would not have been this particular frog.
Your life’s goal should be to pursue your ultimate happiness, which includes acts of generosity and care shown to those you know, as well as strangers. But, with this in mind, you are not responsible to involve yourself with someone who has consistently shown him or herself to be untrustworthy. No matter how many second chances or opportunities we afford them, they will continue to do what they've always done. It is in their nature, and it is best to stay far away than to be harmed emotionally, financially, or physically again and again.
Do your very best to recognize an individual's inherent harmful behavior patterns and make conscious decisions that protect you, and those you love, from them. In the end, you cannot stop a scorpion from stinging, but you can ensure you are not the one who gets stung.
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